totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
