Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
