I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Randomize
