I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Randomize
