I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Randomize