My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
