At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
Don't EVER smell your tampon
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
Randomize
