period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
