i don't plan on having that self control this summer
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Randomize
