chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
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