i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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