I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
There's always time for handjobs
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Randomize
