I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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