Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
