four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
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Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
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I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
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