I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
