paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
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