why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Randomize
