right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
