I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
Randomize
