I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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