I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize
