....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
