I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
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