He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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