Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
Randomize
