somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
