as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
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