My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Randomize
