If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
Randomize
