i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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