I'm drive I can fine osifer
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
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