Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
