im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
Just high enough for therapy.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Randomize
