i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
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