Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
This is classic penis vs brain.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
Randomize
