i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
You were trust falling into bushes
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
Randomize
