Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Randomize
