I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
