it's too hot outside to masturbate.
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
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