Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
Randomize
