I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Randomize
