dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
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