It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
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why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
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If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
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