His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
