a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
