i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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