The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
