Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
I woke up under a house in Key West
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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