You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
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