sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
