On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
Randomize
