I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Randomize
