we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
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