meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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