I'm pants shitting drunk right now
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
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