I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
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