Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Randomize
