This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
