if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
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