So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Randomize
