Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
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