You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
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