i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
