Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Randomize
