I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
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