Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
