I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
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