I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
Randomize
