Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
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