You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Randomize
