He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
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