its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
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