Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
You dont lie about slip and slides
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Randomize
