Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
im having a threesome with these popsicles
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
Randomize
