What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
We had to coat check the pizza.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
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