YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
he was CRYING into my vagina
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
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