somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
Randomize
