im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
My underwear smells like fireworks.
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
Randomize
