Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
love makes seman taste better
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
23 Millennials Confess The Things They Wish They Weren’t Attracted To
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
23 Gruesome Scientific Facts That Will Make You Squirm
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt