I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
