Texts From Last Night

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  (915): View more from Texas

  After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.

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  (915): After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't. http://tfl.nu/4b73
  Replies (19) Good night (602) Bad night (2769)
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  (702): View more from Nevada

  And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse

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  (702): And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse http://tfl.nu/oibh
  Replies (11) Good night (1299) Bad night (3234)
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  (757): View more from Virginia

  high people should be assigned attendants

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  (757): high people should be assigned attendants http://tfl.nu/w28j
  Replies (14) Good night (4044) Bad night (660)
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  (201): View more from New Jersey

  why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall

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  (201): why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall http://tfl.nu/krc7
  Replies (43) Good night (11573) Bad night (733)
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  (203): View more from Connecticut

  We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.

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  (203): We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad. http://tfl.nu/dqqr
  Replies (23) Good night (4332) Bad night (1371)
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  (912): View more from Georgia

  you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.

  (919): View more from North Carolina

  That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.

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  (912): you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet. (919): That explains the puddle of pee in my closet. http://tfl.nu/tfvg
  Replies (7) Good night (1121) Bad night (5220)
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  (315): View more from New York

  we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.

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  (315): we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks. http://tfl.nu/7ex7
  Replies (12) Good night (5281) Bad night (965)
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  (951): View more from California

  Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.

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  (951): Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper. http://tfl.nu/tu64
  Replies (14) Good night (4671) Bad night (1013)
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  (603): View more from New Hampshire

  its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery

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  (603): its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery http://tfl.nu/k62j
  Replies (4) Good night (2805) Bad night (846)
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  (989): View more from Michigan

  you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin

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  (989): you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin http://tfl.nu/ftsd
  Replies (3) Good night (3021) Bad night (1053)
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  (989): View more from Michigan

  It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.

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  (989): It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here. http://tfl.nu/e0yb
  Replies (6) Good night (3212) Bad night (1079)
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  (443): View more from Maryland

  told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...

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  (443): told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet... http://tfl.nu/9yno
  Replies (6) Good night (2835) Bad night (1100)
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  (+44): View more from United Kingdom

  The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...

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  (+44): The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off... http://tfl.nu/dj4h
  Replies (2) Good night (1248) Bad night (383)
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  (310): View more from California

  Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets

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  (310): Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets http://tfl.nu/hmgm
  Replies (3) Good night (1693) Bad night (405)
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  (978): View more from Massachusetts

  I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.

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  (978): I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency. http://tfl.nu/azpx
  Replies (7) Good night (1712) Bad night (358)

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