Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
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I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
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I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday