What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
Randomize
