dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
These 25 People Had Very Inappropriate Sexual Relations(hips)
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
These 31 People Are Lazier Than You Could Ever Imagine
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!