just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
Randomize
