3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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