I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
wakey wakey hands off snakey
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Randomize
