I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
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