dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
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note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
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thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
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