I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Randomize
